Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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