how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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