so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
