Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
