i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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