if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
try to milk me bitch
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
