i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize