member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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