I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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