Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
