better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
