i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
