never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
