I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
