If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
