Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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