I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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