Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
