I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
