Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
