You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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