I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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