Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
