in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
