We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
