I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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