i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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