Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
