I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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