My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
