So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
