U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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