I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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