Kiss
Puke
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You left your phone here
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