my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
