shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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