I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
