I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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