know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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