he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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