i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
