He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
