One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
