That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
