you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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