I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
