But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
