We need to rekindle our bromance
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
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I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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