Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
