I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
