i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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