Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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