Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i love accidental penises.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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