I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
