i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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