ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
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Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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