I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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