You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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